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Things no one tells you about pregnancy,postpartum, and being a mother

Things no one tells you about pregnancy,postpartum, and being a mother

I don’t understand why women don’t strive to educate themselves on these things. Don’t get me wrong. I knew nothing either, neither was I ever interested to educate myself on these things, and I was wrong. I think every woman needs to educate herself on these matters, whether she is planning to have a baby anytime soon or not. I do not understand why talking about these things is considered taboo. How are you going to educate your daughters, when you are not even comfortable to talk about these sensitive matters with them? All you get is: It is all worth it, time will fly, you won’t even know, not knowing stuff is better and bla bla bla. I understand why someone would be hesitant to talk about these matters openly, but I do not get why women don’t share these things with other women. Why are we so scared of getting judged? Why are we so hesitant to share the problems and solutions. For a person like me, I would rather be educated and ready for it, than to be clueless mess. I get why mothers and other elderly figures try to protect us, and they don’t wanna scare us off, I don’t say it for everyone, but I like to educate myself. I like to know things. I don’t like surprises, let alone shocks. Women should be more open and honest about these things. Stop hiding things and putting on masks. I myself am the last person to share my difficult experiences with others, but when I see someone needs to hear it, I just tell them. I am not afraid to be judged, in fact I think, if women start talking about these things, they will not only make others lives easy but also their own.They will come to know how they are not the only one dealing with these things. I am going to write my thoughts in this blog, and I do not expect anyone to agree with it. I do not ask for approval neither do I care if it is too much information for you. I think it is important to educate women, so that they are prepared when the time approaches.

You are going to feel like crap:

Woah! I know it comes off as a shock. But you have to know that bringing a new life in this world is no joke. Your body, the whole system in your body is going to be changed. You are going to feel like absolute crap. Vomiting, Nausea, Morning sickness, dizziness and what not. It is going to be really really hard. Be prepared for it. Don’t enter in to this zone if you are not mentally and physically ready for it. You need to know this because if you are not eager enough to be a mom, and you do not know the reality of how hard it is, you are going to make yourself more miserable than you have to. Your emotions are going to take the best of you, and you are going to be a living mess if you don’t get into it with your open mind. It is going to be so worth it, everyone says that, and it is absolutely true, but you are not the only pregnant woman feeling that way, all women do that. That’s true some pregnancies are easier than the others, all women are different, but know that bringing a new life into this world is no joke. Don’t make yourself miserable. First trimester is going to be hard, but you will get your break in second trimester and then third trimester is going to be hard again.

Second Trimester Glory:

Second trimester of a pregnancy is the easiest part of pregnancy. You are going to feel sooooo soooo much better, you will have much more energy and you are going to be less exhausted. Do the major preparation in Second trimester if you are on your own especially. I did most of preparation in second trimester. The vomiting and morning sickness is not that bad in second trimester.

Your emotions are going to be all over the place.

You will realize that you are riding a roller coaster ride of emotions. It is absolutely normal. Don’t beat yourself up for bursting into tears for no apparent reason or being indecisive. It is absolutely normal. Don’t over think it. Just go with the flow. And the less you worry about it, the better it is for you and also your poor partner. Don’t blame him too much, be nice to him. He is doing the best he can, if you are lucky though. But just because he is not carrying a child in his belly doesn’t give you the right to take your anger out on him. It is okay to be emotional, but don’t over think it and make it worse.

Hardest part comes after giving birth:

I know there is this fear of giving birth and how it going to be. It is normal. But honestly the hardest part starts after giving birth. Crazy hormones, recovering from birth, body changed, exhaustion, weakness etc etc etc. And then there will be this precious little angel, who is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.  The hardest part starts after giving birth, pregnancy, giving birth is hard, no doubt in that, but be prepared for what happens after that. There will be guests, and a new born baby, and you are host for all of them. If you are lucky to have people who care for you around, and they give you time to relax and do the house chores for you. It is great. It is going to take a whole lot of load off of your shoulders, but if not. Well, you will get through it. Don’t worry. I did. You will too.

A Good mother and a Great mother:

I know you must be like WTH ? all moms are great. NO! not all moms are great. There are moms who locks their child in a dog cage to party, there are moms who give sleeping medicine to their child so they can sleep well, there are moms who drink and abuse their child, So, don’t tell me that all moms are equally great. No, they are not ! We are lucky to have the mothers who care for us, and put us first. But not every mom is a great mom. It is often assumed that a woman who has no life, who is isolated and has no hobbies will be a wonderful mom. And obviously they are good mothers, no doubt in that. They get a purpose of living, and then they dedicated their lives to their child. Well done. Precious ! But I do not understand why it is assumed that a woman who take cares of herself, has her life together, has hobbies, like to hang out with friends, and has a social life, is not going to be such a good mother. Let me be the one to tell you, A woman who has a life to live, who knows how fun it is to hang out with friends, and how fun it is to live a selfish life, with no responsibilities, the one who has hobbies, and passions, the one who has goals in life, but still she gives up alllllll of it to be a mom is a Great mom. Having nothing to do in life, and becoming a mom, and having a whole life and giving it up to be a mom, there is a difference. And I do not believe that all moms are equal they are not. I have seen moms who are so selfish that you wouldn’t believe. I have seen moms who have sacrificed everything to be a great mother and put their children first. I do not put all of them on same level. I think it is important to know the difference. I realize my thinking is different, I realize not everyone will agree with me and I do realize I can be called out on it, but honestly I’m not afraid to think with my brain. I have one to use it.

Don’t try to socialize

Well you heard me right. Do not even try to be a social bee. You can not  afford that. In fact you are gonna end up making yourself miserable. Enjoy your motherhood. Trust me, before you know they are out of your arms and start walking. Don’t worry about socializing with people. Take in all those beautiful moments. Spend it with your family. Make a strong bond. The bond your make with your child when they are in your arms is the strongest bond. It is important that you understand that you don’t need to keep up with your social life, it is stupidity. I am not asking you to isolate yourself, but don’t force it if you have too much on your plate, you are not gonna end up enjoying it, and you are going to waste the precious time of your life worrying about stupid thing.

Non-Mom Friends will not get you

Everything in my life has happened at pretty early stage. I am not complaining at all. I am blessed beyond words, and I think I wouldn’t be happier if it wasn’t the way it is. I was the first to be married and become a mom in all my friends, and the friends who are not married and don’t have a baby, won’t get you. It’s not their fault at all. Don’t expect them to understand you. It is true the moment you become a mom you change, your priorities, your thinking, everything changes. You start to see things differently, a lot of things start to see patty and silly to you. You start to look at the bigger picture, and you change as a person. Do not expect your friends who haven’t experienced that understand you. You just need to learn the perfect balance. Don’t worry about being disconnected. It is alright, sooner or later all Lucky of us go through it. And know that you are lucky enough to have this blessing, don’t waste it, and enjoy it fully.

You are expected to have no life

Seriously, No joke! People expect you to lose yourself. Only that way they will assume you to be a good mother(lol). Don’t be a fool and lose yourself, a happy mother makes a happy baby and family. I’m a very put together person. My child, myself, my house always looks well presented. I have trained myself well, I have taught myself time management, I have taught myself, how to get best out of every situation, I have a pattern I live on. So my life is in order and things are not just a mess. It doesn’t come easy, but for a person like me all they see is, how easy it is for me, how easy my life is. Oh I am blessed, but if you see anything pretty, there is a lot of work that goes in to it. If you think my life looks pulled together all the time, well there is a reason.  Don’t lose yourself after becoming a mom, it is the worst thing you can do to your family, especially your child. Make a pattern that works the best you, which allows you to keep yourself happy too.

Unwanted Advice

Grow a thick skin for unwanted advice. It is great, absolutely great when you get good advice, and we all neeeeed that, but when it is just unwanted and useless and more like imposing, that is annoying. And you are going to get that a lot. People are going to give you impression that they care for you and your baby more than you do. You will know when someone is giving you a sincere advice, listen to it. But when you will listen to an unwanted and advice that sounds like an ambush, you will find it annoying, for obvious reason. Don’t be bothered. Don’t give your thoughts back and discus, just listen to it, and get it over with. Know the difference in sincere advice and discouraging piece of crap.

Mother Instinct

Every new moms worries about doing the right thing for their baby. And I know how nerve wrecking it can be to be a new mom. You want the best for your child. But what I have also noticed is, that you brain starts to work in the way you would have never imagined. You would actually know what is best for your child. And what advice is actually useful. What you child needs, don’t sweat it, go with your mother instinct. You know whats best for your child.

Body Shaming

You are not going to fit back in your old clothes, don’t be naive enough to believe that. Don’t stress about your body image. It took you 9+ months to become that way, at least give yourself a year and a half to fit back in your old pair of jeans. Because you can not work out for 6 months after giving birth. Take it slow. Don’t ruin the happiest time of your life worrying about weight.

Clutter and Mess are two different things

I didn’t realize that I was a neat freak until I became a mom. I never cared before may be because I have never had to deal with clutter. Mess means unhygienic and dirty, clutter means, things being misplaced(lol). The sooner you learn the difference the better it is. It the wipes are not where they are suppose to be it is OKAY. If the laundry is not properly fold and towels are not properly rolled it is OKAY. Don’t worry about small things like that. Learned it the hard way. And as they glow old, and reach the toddler milestones, nothing is going to be at it’s original place (lol). Don’t worry about that, learn to laugh at it.

A good sense of humor is way to survive

You can not be an up-tight person and survive a happy parenthood. Learn to laugh at exploded poops, and spit ups. Learn to laugh at broken lipsticks and eyeshadow or broken Dr, Dre headphones (lol). I am talking about my own experience. All I am trying to say is learn to laugh it away. It is not their fault. They are learning and exploring, and breaking things is part of the process. Be nice to them, tell them things gently, don’t be pissed and angry and ruin their childhood memories. It’s okay if you have to fold the laundry 50 times and again it is unfolded before you put it int he cupboard, they find it funny to unfold it, it’s no big deal. Don’t stress, and think how funny these things are going to be when you will look back at time.

Say Bye to Sleep

Once you are a parent, forget 8 hours of non-interrupted sleep. You are not getting that at all. I am not going to go further in detail with this one topic, it is pretty self-explanatory and we all have our own experiences with it. So see it for yourself, but say good bye to sleep.

You’re going to be judged a lot

If you think you get judged a lot, wait until you become a mother. It is going to be on whole new level. And you will realize that’s women who will judge you the most, not men. They will be hard on you, and judge you even for your good deeds. So, do not worry about that at all. It’s patty and stupid.

It is normal to have arguments with your partner

It is so absolutely normal to have arguments with your partner. Your marriage is not doomed(lol). Don’t depress yourself with that. You both are new at this parenting thing, you both want the best for you child, but figuring out things is not a piece of a cake. So take a deep breath, don’t sweat the small stuff, let it slip and it will go away. But you should know that it is absolutely normal. All couples experience that. However, some are more understanding and easy-going, and some are not. The key is patience.

It is just a phase

Everything is a phase. It is very easy for a new mom to feel like she has no life. Or it is so hard to keep herself and her family happy at the same time. Know that it is just a phase, once they are out of toddler stage, everything is going to be so different. Colics, teething, puking, tantrums, everything is just a phase, and they get out of it.

They grow up so fast

I feel like once you are a mom time flies. It is sooooo soooo soooo important to focus on positive things and your blessings. They grow up so fast, before you know it they are in preschool, and then school. And you wonder where did time go. My world revolves around my family. As much as I love seeing her grow up, it makes me cringe how fast time is flying. I sometimes want to stop time and take in all these memories, and cherish them forever. Although sometimes it is sooo hard to deal with everything that comes with being a mom, but nothing has made me this happy either. As much as I enjoyed my long showers, hot meals, and socializing with friends, I think nothing compares to the hugs your child gives you. When they reach their milestones, crawling, walking, talking, and showing so much of their personality. And when I look at my child I feel proud, and I think every mom feels a sense of pride when she sees at her child. I don’t think I would change my life for anything in this world. Enjoy every phase, and don’t worry about other things, they are absolutely normal.

This blog post is getting pretty long. And I believe I have shared many points, which are enough. I think every girl needs to educate herself. And I believe a happy mother makes a happy family.

Good Luck !

Love,

Zunaira Sulman.

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