Rediscovering yourself after Motherhood
Motherhood is insanely challenging !
I’m sorry if you’re here for a sugar-coated sweet quick before bed-time read, you’re not gonna get it.
From circumstances, lifestyle and the amount of help you have around, to the mere fact whether motherhood comes naturally to you or not, motherhood is different for everyone. But, either way taking on this new role is very difficult.
As you take on this new role, your priorities change, and for good reason of course. But, slowly you can feel yourself turning into a person you don’t recognize anymore. Your life changes over-night, and you have to figure out everything on your own. Honestly, whether you like to accept it or not, if you have your family’s support during the beginning stages of Motherhood, it changes EVERYTHING !
Since my family lives a million miles away, I felt extra lost and isolated, plus there was so much added stress from people around me that I couldn’t focus on anything, no matter how hard I tried. I started to do everything for everyone else and literally lost my identity. I’d wake up (If I even got a chance to get some sleep), do everything I was “SUPPOSE” to do, and repeat that cycle non-stop ! Even though everyone who saw me thought I was on top of my game, I was losing my individuality every single second.
As much as I’m trying to learn to open up and share my experiences and feelings with those who follow me, who I know will actually find it helpful, I’m still not fully comfortable pouring my heart out entirely. The point is, I got to a really really dark place. Where I held myself up in front of people but I genuinely felt lost and depressed from the inside. I was trying so hard to make everyone else happy and be THE BEST MOTHER, I forgot my happiness mattered too.
The Moment of Epiphany
One day we came back home after hanging out with some relatives and I was super tired, Michelle had fallen asleep on the way back so I put her in her crib very gently, trying not to wake her up I tiptoed out to shower and change. I had a glance at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t believe what I saw. From the clothes I was wearing to please people, to how my hair, face and body looked, I stood there in shock, like who is this person ? I stared at myself for good 10-15 minutes, I couldn’t see MYSELF anymore. In that moment I knew enough is enough. Something had to change in my life. That day I decided I need to put myself on the priority list too. And I have to find a balance. I can’t keep living my life like that.
I picked up a paper and pencil and actually wrote down a plan for myself,
- Implement a structure in your life.
- Re-evaluate your circle.
- Step up.
- Have goals, realistic and achievable goals.
- Make time for yourself.
- Explore your interests.
- Know that your happiness is a part of your family’s happiness and well-being.
- Go slow but be consistent.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff.
- Be flexible and enjoy the process.
Structure in life
For me personally I like to have a set routine in my life. I like to know the rough draft of what my day would look like. I’m not super strict with it, but I definitely have a foundation laid down where I compartmentalize things, and leave a wiggle room for the unexpected. Once you have a rough idea of what your day will look like, things will dramatically change for good.
Re-evaluate your circle
Nobody is obligated to understand your life changes, just how you’re not obligated to keep up with the lifestyle you had before you had a child. Yes, eventually they get to that point where they ride on the same boat, but don’t waste your energy on those you can’t connect with anymore. Instead, implement it in bettering yourself and your life.
Really Step up ! Have you heard that saying, “Every next level of your life will demand a different you.” You need to grow as a person, expand your knowledge, work on your stamina and patience. Change is good. Often people refer “you have changed” as a bad thing, it’s really a compliment. Changing means you’re growing. Step up to the occasion and own it.
Set Goals, Realistic and achievable !
You know yourself the best, you know how far you can push yourself before it’s too far. Be realistic, set goals for yourself. For example, you want to lose the pregnancy weight, don’t rush it. Set small goals, but keep going. Be honest with yourself.
Make time for yourself
Alone time ! I can’t put it in words how important it is to have some alone time. That’s when you connect with yourself. Yes, I know it sounds so dramatic, but trust me it’s true.
Explore your interests
If you follow me on Instagram you know, I love beauty and fashion, that’s something I find interesting so I try to keep up with that. It makes me feel like an individual, something I like to do for myself. Have a hobby.
Your happiness is your child’s happiness
If you’re happy, you can be a better mother and a life partner. I hear so many women say, well as long as my child is happy, well as long as my family is happy. YOU! you’re a part of the family.
Go Slow & Be Consistent
When it comes to appearance, it’s a very controversial subject,and I’m always torn in between telling women to love and respect their bodies for what they are, but I also understand how important it is to feel good in your own body. So the bottom line for me is, love and respect yourself in the process. I said it once and I’ll say it again, go slow and be consistent. You don’t want any burn outs, and know that set backs are part of the process.
Don’t Sweat the small stuff
Pretty self-explanatory. Stop over-thinking and questioning everything. Know that whatever happens, happens for a reason. Your life is your journey and it has nothing to do with anyone else. What someone else says or does has nothing to do with your life. Learn to breathe and let things go. If you couldn’t prepare a gourmet meal for your kids, it’s no big deal. They’re gonna hate on your sandwich just as much as they’re gonna hate on that gourmet meal. Which brings me to the last point,
Be flexible and enjoy the process
If motherhood is driving you a bit insane but you’re loving the ride, trust me you’re doing your job right. Learn to accept the uncertainty of everything and enjoy the process. They grow up so fast. The days might be long but the years are so short. In the bigger picture, none of it really matters other than the well-being of your family.
I know it was a pretty long blog post, and I don’t know if you made it till the end or not. But, if you did thank you, and hope you find this post helpful.