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Q&A Pregnancy and Motherhood| Zunaira Sulman

Pregnancy and Motherhood, my take on questions!

Oh heyyyyy !!

It has been so long since I last shared a blog post, and a lot has changed. Since most of you already know, our family has grown and now I’m Mama to two gorgeous girls. The past couple of months have been crazy, but it was very much expected. The other day I was talking to a friend of mine, who btw is a soon-to-be Mama, and in our conversation she said something that really got me thinking. She said: “you made it all look so easy and I feel like a hot mess”, for a moment I didn’t know what to say. Even though I told her that every woman and every pregnancy is different(which is 100% true), it got me thinking. In few of my previous posts I have already mentioned, how being a mother exposes you to insane amount of criticism. As if going through all the physical, emotional, mental and lifestyle changes isn’t enough. The whole point of this rant is: be kind to yourself, there’ll be enough of those who won’t be. Yes, I know it has taken me a while to answer these pregnancy and motherhood related questions, thanks for being patient.

Q # 1

How do you manage to take time out for yourself ?

A: Well, in all honesty I refuse to give up on myself. It is so freaking hard to make time for yourself, which obviously you know. There’re days when I don’t feel like being bothered about how I look and just get sh*t done as fast as I can, and save some much needed energy for them long sleepless nights with a colicky newborn. Sleep when the baby sleeps you say? Oh sure, while my older one rubs my back pfff. Organize and prioritize ! I’m definitely not the most organized person, I like to think of myself as a, “as organized as necessary”  kind of person,however I’m always organizing stuff around the house, but somehow find myself right back where I started, haha perks of parenthood ;) Prioritizing is the key. Those little love-bugs need you more than having an organized toy storage. And if you’re happy and love yourself, that’s what they’re going to learn. Let’s be honest when you look good, you feel good. Losing yourself will only make you resent your kids subconsciously whether you want to accept it or not. For me luckily I’ve found a balance/routine where I keep my house clean(because mess kinda drives me crazy) while letting my kid be a kid. And that routine bit helps me be smarter with my time and allows me to compartmentalize a small time window for myself.

Q # 2

Tips for first time moms ?

A: I’m so tired of people not letting others(including new moms) be true to how they feel. Just because an exhausted mother is saying how hard it has been doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her child. She doesn’t need you to tell her “but it’s a blessing”. She knows that and loves her child more than her own life. I’ve way too many new moms in my social circle and I see it happening all the time and it really pisses me off. For me personally, I never felt the need of a friendly ear. However, I had(have) a weird sense of humor, which now I know very few people get. You can’t survive parenthood without a good sense of humor. Whether you’re venting or joking, people are gonna judge you HARD ! Since, it’ll be something totally new to you, don’t let it bother you. Follow your Maternal Instinct, stay true to how you feel, don’t compare yourself with anyone else, and cherish your new littlebeing without worrying about anything else. Because I tell ya what, in the bigger picture, nothing else matters.

Q # 3

Transitioning to Two children ?

A: The biggest life changes happen with the first one. After that even though your responsibilities increase drastically, the life changes are not as drastic as they were with the first one. For us we were pretty ready for the second one, and being in the right mental space really helped us, but the most important thing for us was to make the transition as easy and pleasant as possible for Michelle. In fact, not once did I think about how am I gonna do it, which is usually a common worry among moms second time around. My only and only concern was how Michelle is going to take it and how can I prepare her for the new arrival and help her bond with her sister. It has definitely been a challenge to make both of them feel equally important and cater to their needs, especially when they both need me at the same time, but every child and every family dynamic is different. My advice is to just go with the flow, as long as you’re trying your best, you’re capable of more than you can imagine.

Q # 4

When will I share Sofia’s picture? Or Why haven’t I posted Sofia’s picture?

A: About the pictures ! FYI this story has nothing to do with me not sharing her picture yet. Something really unfortunate happened. I brought some little props and professional camera to the hospital with me when I went to give birth to Sofia. I gave birth to her at around 1:20 am and they brought me to my room(from the delivery room) at around 4. And by the sunrise, all while feeling like I just came back from the dead, I took Sofia’s newborn pictures and then those of Michelle meeting her sister for the first time, and all those priceless, memorable moments . I was so happy about it, and so proud of myself that I captured it just the way I wanted(yes, I’m crazy). When we came back home I was so busy with the guests and everything and didn’t get time to transfer them. You can sense where this story is going right? So, now that one month had passed and again, to take Sofia’s monthly pictures, I propped everything up and decided to transfer all the data. While I was taking her pictures an error appeared on the screen which freaked me out so bad, I felt my heartbeat in my throat.  I switched off the camera, and immediately rushed to transfer the data, but when I opened the memory card slot, the card was broken, which I have no idea how is that possible, because it was perfectly alright ! After that we tried every way to get the data back but it was just gone. Oh technology ! You have failed me so bad I have lost all the respect for you (you’d think I’m being dramatic, but uhh I’m not). It genuinely SUC*ED ! huh! Anyhow, it took all the energy out of me to get over it and be thankful that what actually matter is with me. 

Story Time is over, yeah ! It was unfortunate. But, oh well ! Anyhow, as theatrical as it sounds, a voice in my head doesn’t let me share it. So I listen to it.(lol) When I’ll feel comfortable doing it, I’ll do it, right now I don’t, so I won’t !

Q # 5

All about my weight loss? 

A: People seem to think I have lost all the pregnancy weight already (which is great if it looks like it lol), but it’s far from the reality. I still have a long way to go before I reach my prepregnancy weight. Since I have gotten so many questions regarding weight loss, I’ll try to answer them all. I gained crap ton of weight with both my pregnancies, and with the first one I had no appetite and I was throwing up pretty much through out the pregnancy, it was rough, even though it didn’t look like it to others because I chose not to show it, well that’s just who I am #commontheme. This time around my appetite was fine after 3, 3 and a half months and still I gained just as much which is sh*t load of weight. It is super disappointing because when I’m pregnant I eat super clean, healthy, walk everyday and work out at least 3 times a week, I know that’s opposite of what most people do. As much as I believe that lifestyle has a big impact on your body, mind and soul, I also believe that not everything is black and white, there’s a grey zone. And unexpected things happen. Even though I gained so much weight, since I was eating healthy and staying super active my weight dispersed into my body very evenly, instead of going straight to the “problem areas”. Which is why it also looked like I didn’t gain any weight, other than the baby bump.

So, now after giving birth. OMG ! I did not lose any weight, not even the actual baby weight. I was so confused. My doctor told me not to worry, sometimes water retention causes it and there’re other factors but nothing to worry about. Since I was so filled with love and joy and I didn’t give it another thought, and totally forgot about it. I was extremely busy with the friends family and my new life. One thing that did really work in my favor regarding losing weight quickly was not having any help. With both my girls I never took time to rest and recover. I did not have that option. Also I didn’t buy any new clothes other than a pair of jeans because I didn’t want to get comfortable. Because if I did get comfortable getting back, my prepregnancy body won’t be a priority anymore. I continued eating healthy and not giving in to my cravings and  not taking shortcuts when it comes to meals, which was a huge factor in me getting back in shape. Let me tell you when you’re exclusively breast-feeding you crave little snacks every now and then. And after that 3 am feeding, while you’re walking/swinging around to calm your colicky baby, all you want to do is to shove your face in some comfort food. Because food is life (lol). It’s not that I don’t ever eat unhealthy, because I do (proudly lol), but you gotta tell yourself the difference between WANT and NEED ! How I like to say: don’t eat your emotions. ;) 

This post is getting terribly long. I don’t know if after this extremely long post you want me to do part two just on this subject or not, so let me know. If there’s anything I’d want you to take away from this post is to be kind to yourself and others. Don’t ever do comparisons, be confident in your parenting choices and follow your maternal instinct. Your child doesn’t need anything else but your love, which you have plenty to give.

I hope you find this post helpful.

Good Luck !

Love,

Zunaira Sulman.

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